This is a story from a 25-year-old graduate student who have never dated any girl. Thank you guys for your patience for this ridiculously long essay, and I appreciate any advice/opinions.
I have had a feeling on a fellow classmate, who is four years old than me, for over a year. We met a year ago, but there's essentially no contact until February. Since then, she frequently came over asking me for homework solutions and going to library together. When I invited her to go out for a dinner on her birthday, she even rejected an invite from another guy and suggest to go to movie after dinner. However stupid I am, I took it as an obvious sign for a date.
I didn't go far enough to ask her to be my girlfriend. Also because I did not want this affair to affect our exams, I keep the relationship of homework/library (and repeat almost everyday) until the semester ended in mid-May. Of course, there's another reason, i.e. I want to make sure she likes me but not my expertise as a student, especially whenever I talk with her it's always about homework, and she appeared to have little interest in everything else. Say when chatting online, she response mostly with "hehe" and "icic" for anything other than what she needed. In the process, I think I acted to submissive by being too desperate and respond to her every request, even meeting at 10pm at night at some library place to go over something.
So after the semester ends, I made my move by inviting her out for movies, dinner, or lunches. But I got negative responses. Eg: "I am so tired and do not want to go out for quite a while.", "I like to sleep and watch TV". Even for a lunch, she always said "I am not hungry, and would rather eat at home". In the mean time, she did went out for movies with her friends. The only thing she did with me was to chat online and may be playing chess online. We went out once to play some sports, after I am obviously angered by her lackluster responses (I am a guy who can't hide anything or lie.)
What irritates me more, is that she find me to go over the homework/library routine again when summer school starts in Mid-June. So, after two more weeks, when I found out she would rather go for a 2days/3 nights trip than going out with me on July 4th, and didn't let me know at all (while chatting online all days before). I became so emotional and angry that I sent her an email saying that if she regard me as a friend, do not call me only when you have troubles on homework or something else, and I gave examples that she always hide things and not letting me know for parties etc. Just do something else that's not academic together. This is definitely my fault that I couldn't control my emotion. Then she responded fiercely by calling me to meet her at once at some random rooms.
There she counter my example one by one (though I was in such a bad mood that failing to defend myself). Then she said why would she keep asking me if she did not have a thing on me, and it's my fault that being too impatience and passive. Also, she say things are not beatiful if everything is spelled out. At one point she even started crying and went out of the room. I was so dejected at that time. But when I was on my way home, she called and told me not to meet her for a while to see if we can be friends again.
I took that as a sign that she's willing to forgive me, and try to send her letters (about saying sorry, how I actually like her), invite her out for dinners (bad move), and, try to bump into her in gyms. Everytime she replied that she understand what I am trying to do, and if I do not want to screw up, just leave her alone. After a few more letters, which she did not respond at all, I gave up at the end of July. Since then, we have absolutely zero contact until two week ago. Apparently she blocked me on gchat (which can be checked).
There is a 2-day conference, where she had to attend both days, and I had to attend only the later day. We essentially went out with the same group of friends (for academic purpose, she has her only circle of friends for movies etc). she obviously talked a lot during the first day with some of the guys during the first day. While on the seond day, with the same group of people (the difference only me being there), she didn't talk at all and sat as far away from the group as possible. Of course everybody felt extremely strange.
Clearly knowing that she's uncomfortable even seeing me, I sent her an email saying that if she kept acting like this, every body will gonna know what happened (she's extremely secrective on things), and I do not want to hurt her twice. Amazingly, she unblocked my gchat after getting my email, and told me to ignore other peoples' comments as they were just gossiping. Of course I was so happy and sent her a message like "You made my day!". But then she replied by "Before you say that. I want to make things clear. I am just trying to be friendly." I ignored that and proceed to try to chat with her. She always respond by "gd nite", "ttyl" after my first message. This keep going on for a day or two, then one day when I more or less just say "hi" and to my surprise, she actually told me some trouble she's having (i.e. meaningful conversation), and our conversation revolves around the topic. Whenever I try to pull it to somewhere else, she act like previously, being disintersted and even don't respond (too lazy for a "icic" or "hehe"). At this point I still think I acted too desperate.
So finally, today, she actually initiated a conversation, but again it's asking me for some information. I tried to play cool but she immediately pull back by saying "Ok. May be it's better for me to do research myself.". Then I chickened out and being kept honest the whole conversation. Now I just feel that the same thing happened all over, which is precisely the reason I got mad at the first place.
Apparently, I still like the girl a lot. After reading PUA, a few chapters of "the game", and a few radio talks on PUA, I know I failed to take the lead on this "relationship", being too desperate, but do not know what I can do to actually guage the girl's actual intention, and the proper way to respond. Caring too much put me in a distinctly disadvantage position. I feel that I will go crazy while she's gonna be the winner whether or not she ACTUALLY like/liked me.
Thank you very much for you guys to read such a long post!