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  1. #1
    AFCking is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default New member, just closed with a girl trying to take it further. I'm a huge AFC help!

    Hey guys this is my first post on this forum. Not really sure if I should give some background info but I'll run it down real short and simple. I would consider myself a AFC at heart, but I've learned to fight most of those tendencies but I still struggle with picking up on sings and knowing what's going on. Here's where I hope you guys come in.

    I started talking to this girl who I was introduced to by another friend. I started off with some negs and always kept it playful we probably spoke for about two weeks before I got to hang out with her, I really had to fight off the inner AFC and never complimented her on her looks, always on something about her personality.

    And well I guess things worked, we hung out grabbed a drink I Kino escalated and before the nights end she asked if we we were heading back to my house and we did, I closed. But now the problem is this.

    I'm no PUA master by ANY MEANS. I've read some books and posts and I've kinda taken away little pieces and use it in my way, I've always been fairly good at talking to people but just never picked up on the signs females threw out. Now I understand them and close pretty well. My only problem is I never know how to keep the girl.

    I'm interested in the one I'm talking too now, we have probably hung out 5-6 times and now I just have some questions hoping you guys could shed some light on.

    1. Is it ever a good idea to bring up her ex? And why they're no longer together? I want to get a idea of where he screwed up and what I should stay clear from.

    2. I remember hearing I shouldn't compliment her based on her looks, more so her personality. Is it ever okay to call compliment her on her looks?

    3. I know you don't want to show too much interest when trying to get the girl, but after you've already had sex or have both established there is interest there. Should I still watch how strong I project my interest in her?

    4. How do I find out how interest in me she is? Is there any kind of questions I can ask to gauge what she wants out of this or how she views me? I know, you could probably just be upfront and ask. But that seem's like I'd be demonstrating low value?

    Anyways hope to hear some reply's, like I said I need help gentlemen!!!

  2. #2
    keepurcool is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New member, just closed with a girl trying to take it further. I'm a huge AFC hel

    there are people on here who are a lot more knowledgeable than i am but here we go!

    1. first few dates do not bring up exs at all, change topics if it ever comes up but seeing how youre at 5-6 i think its okay to briefly talk about it, keep it short. just use it as a means to get to know her better. (you can learn a lot about girl by knowing her past relationships)

    2. yes it is okay to compliment her on her looks. make sure she deserves it though, let her compliment you, make sure she is a good time, not being boring, etc etc. but keep it to a minimum. dont over compliment cause that wont be a good time.

    3. no you still cant show her how interested you are until you make it official (bf/gf). still make it seem like your this mysterious dude, whos got other shit going on, and shes there for the ride when you have time for her. ive made this mistake recently and i still kick myself in the ass because i really liked her and i lost it by showing too much interest.

    4. you cant really ask a question, you need to gauge it yourself by looking out for IOIs, Kino, how often she messages you, etc etc. but what i can say is after 5-6 dates... she must be into you. if you really like her ask her to be your girlfriend within the next 1-2 dates.

    good luck dude.

  3. #3
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    Mr8Hyde6 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New member, just closed with a girl trying to take it further. I'm a huge AFC hel

    1) I never ever ever ever ever bring up ex's. Neither should a female. I wrote a blog recently on my blog page about why girls should NEVER bring up an ex bf to a guy. It's not the time or place. The past is the past for a reason so keep it there. Ex's aren't in the picture for a reason, so why bring it up? Why even want to know? I am confident and comfortable enough in my own ways to not really care about what her ex did or was like. The topic is about her and you. So, if she does bring it up, say this and simply this.. "Let's talk about the good stuff in life, like us right now." Whenever I even meet a girl and she mentions she is "seeing" someone i throw out something similar like "I don't want to talk about your problems today. Let's focus on tonight and the fun stuff."

    2) Eventually it is okay to throw out a compliment on her looks, but when it is well deserved. Like after you two are officially together and she puts on a stunning dress for you, or when she is wearing sexy lingerie for you. I don't ever throw out a compliment on looks unless it is EXTREMELY deserved. And that rarely comes after 5-6 hang outs. They hear it all the time, so you also have to be quite creative in what and how you say it. Say something she hasn't heard before.

    3) Projection of interest should be guaged on the level you two have established. If by any means you two become official, then it becomes quite natural for you to show your feelings. Some girls are weird and are all insecure and nothing you do or say will ever be enough, but that is besides the point. Assuming she isn't like this kind of girl, the best game you have is the natural game that just comes out eventually when you have established this level of comfortness. This doesn';t mean go around professing your feelings like Shakespeare, but let the things flow, but be smart about it.

    4) The only way you can find out how interested she is in you, is as the previous post states. Judge it by the ioi's, Kino, etc. You will get a vibe. My best advice for this is this... "If she clearly likes you, you will clearly know. Don't second guess yourself. You just have to believe it and know." ... I recently started seeing a girl I am extremely into. She is awesome and i like her, however, because I usually don't fall for girls, I was nervous that she wasn't into me (yes, even I get nervous). However, I just told myself, "don't be dumb, she clearly likes you. Who wouldn't?" And guess what? I was right. This is where your confidence will be challenged, so just tell yourself, I am to die for. Then your attitude will begin to believe that thought and you will become that thought.

  4. #4
    AFCking is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: New member, just closed with a girl trying to take it further. I'm a huge AFC hel

    Great post, dchen19 , Hyde, I that's where I'm at right now. The last few woman I've been with, I wasn't really interested in like that. So I never questioned if they were into me. Since I really didn't care. But with this girl, I'm interested in more so it really makes me question if she's into me.

    I still have that big inner AFC she's really attractive and she's a busy girl at times, so if she doesn't reply quickly to a txt. I sometimes hear my head telling me, "she's just not that into you" and I read into this way too much as of recent.

    First few times we hung out, she was sending msgs with hearts here and there, now last time we hung out not so much. So I start doubting myself, and since I want to see her, anytime we talk I just ask if she would like to come over... she usually says yes if she doesn't have previous plans. But am I projecting too much interest by doing that? If so, how often is good to ask her to come over?

    Last two times we hung out it was just sex, any tips on where to take her? What kind of questions should I be asking, or more so where should I try to lead the conversation?

    Other thing is, how often should I initiate the conversation? I shoot here a txt here and there, but if she doesn't txt me a day should I just not txt her either? I feel like such a AFC because some of my friends are saying she's probably into me. But, since she's not the kind of girl to send me msg every second letting me know how awesome I am sometimes I slip and think she's not into me.

    I'm just confused really, I'm not sure if there's a term for this. But I try to make things "ours" as I previously stated. Such as I have a nick name I call her, she's already mention something is "our movie" and she's mention we have a "song" so I'm not sure what kind of "ioi's" those are. Like I said, I've had great success getting to hook up with woman. But I still struggle with keeping them.

    I feel as my game to win them over is fairly strong, because I'm pretty good at talking to people. But I tend to fall off in the later stages, because as I start to develop feeling, I feel as though I either show to much interest or something get boring and stray from the personality I'd portrayed before. Thanks again gentlemen!

  5. #5
    Mr8Hyde6's Avatar
    Mr8Hyde6 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New member, just closed with a girl trying to take it further. I'm a huge AFC hel

    The same game you win girls over with, use it now to prolong the relationship. From what you say, she is interested in you. If you worry about you being the one always asking to hang out, call her out on it in a funny way. Mention it as in a joke like that you are a very outgoing person and she is shy so you have to make the decisions to hang out for her. It won't be confronting her necessarily about it, but it will be a sort of joking way.
    Again, there are just some girls that just don't ask to hang out. I personally think you are projecting too much into it and not to worry about it. If she hangs out with you still, replies to your texts, and has sex with you, that is a pretty good indication she likes you. A lot of girls don't usually have sex with a guy and hang out if not interested. I know some that like sex for sex and not necessarily the guy, but even those girls are still a bit picky when it comes to the man.

    And making things yours and hers and etc is a good way to build a comfort zone and rapport. It makes things personal to her. (Its good to do when you are considering dating the girl, as in your case you are.)

    The dating aspect is best when it's natural. Don't over do it, but don't under do it. You, in my professional opinion, are over thinking it and that is fine. Just remind yourself that you are over thinking it.

    I just recently sort of started seeing a girl and my initial nervousness of the possibility she wasn't into me kicked in. The only reason it kicked in is because a majority of the women I have been with it was from a logical mind set. I cared about them but I didn't care care about them (if that makes sense) Once you actually fall for someone, a lot of times your emotions come first. You just have to keep that logical mind set in control of the situation.

    Every girl is different so you have to learn to adapt to the situation. A good PUA can adapt to the situation at hand. This doesn't mean let the girl manipulate you into something you are or aren't, it just means you have to play the cards you are dealt.


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