Hey bro's i thought since Sitfab started a list of status update dhv and he and i are mortale enemies (kidding the guy's helped me with a lot plus we've never met) i thought it would be funny if i start a list of dlv status updates and i want all of u guys to chip in write the funniest and stupidest status updates u've seen or can think of:
_ I am dark and handsome. When itís dark, Iím handsome.
_ If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.
_When I say "wow, thatís crazy", 99 percent of the time, it means I havenít been listening to a word of your conversation.
_A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
_"Magnets destroy credit cards." Not nearly as much as happy hours and women.
_Sex burns up 350 calories each time. Please help me, Iím on a diet.
_A married man should forget his mistakes; Thereís no use in two people remembering the same thing.
_Dijon vu: the feeling youíve had this mustard before.
_Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
_I wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife.
_Evening news is where they begin with ĎGood eveningí, and then proceed to tell you why it isnít.
_Everyone has that one friend you just canít bring anywhere cause they always embarrass you. If you canít think of who that friend is, itís you.