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  1. #1
    brownrecluse is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation Help Needed with Dating my Best Friend

    Newbie here, great forum! I've been single for about a year and have been dating around quite a bit. I'm lucky enough to be somewhat of a natural, I've never had any fear about approaching a beautiful woman, for me it's always been a win win situation. I either meet a new person, or I get blown off and I find that quite funny as well!!

    I now find myself in a position of being in love with my best friend, I'm aware of the many pitfalls with this but the heart wants what the heart wants! I'll try to keep this brief so here are the basics.

    We've been very close friends for 6 years and we know everything about each other. She got her heart broken in the fall and has taken it very hard although she is doing better. I did make the mistake of sharing my feelings with her around new years, she wasn't surprised. We've gone on 2 official dates now that both went well. On the second date I was able to escalate things to kissing which was nice.

    Here are the areas I need help with. She has expressed deep concern about us dating because she absolutely does not want to loose me as a friend. Plus we are already so emotionally close that if things move any more in that direction we will basically be "married" so to speak which I am more than fine with!

    Also she is still somewhat heartbroken and feels love for her ex despite the fact that this person has moved and is already with someone else. I know from her past breakups that she takes a lot longer than most people to get over that.

    So I'm trying to figure out how to move forward. She's owns a medical practice and is extremely busy, so just by that it keeps us from spending too much time together and her freaking out.

    On our second date when I escalated to heaving kissing, she said things like "I probably shouldn't be doing this..." "I'm not sure how I feel" "My therapist says I should just be alone right now until I'm fully healed from my ex" and those type of things. We are very open conversationally since we are best friends, which might not be a good thing. She definatley likes me, I'm just not sure how to move forward with all of the the current issues.

    Thoughs? HELP!!

    thanks....

  2. #2
    Fratstar is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help Needed with Dating my Best Friend

    Alright, you just gotta relax with this one. You've been friends for so long that you don't need to make any sudden moves... she's not going anywhere. The best thing you can do with this situation is not put any demands on her. What I mean is don't make her commit to anything, don't bother her about liking or not liking you. Just go with the flow. Pretend like its not a huge deal to you and that you're just having fun. Don't overburden her or she's gonna freak.

    On a side note, try not to let yourself get too obsessed with the outcome of you two either becoming serious or not becoming serious. I wouldn't really be taking her on serious dates right now. Just take her out for some drinks and dancing. Show her a good time and get the lay. The less you act like you really "need" anything from her at this time, I think the better off you will be.

  3. #3
    brownrecluse is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help Needed with Dating my Best Friend

    Thanks for the input! Man it's easy to get lost in my own head on this one. I can't believe how the things I know I should do, aren't at all what feels natural.

    I'll take your advice though about keeping things light.

    I'm just sort of at a loss right now exactly what to do. Call, don't call, text, don't text....

    Any other thoughts?

    thanks!

  4. #4
    Fratstar is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help Needed with Dating my Best Friend

    Yes, it almost always feels that way. But at least you can recognize it. As long as you know that you shouldn't be "following your heart" or whatever then you can consciously keep yourself from doing anything stupid.
    From what it sounds like, I would keep from getting oneitis with this chick and keep seeing other people if you aren't already. Like I said though, when you talk/text her keep it light as far as "liking" each other and all that. Just have fun and see where it goes.

  5. #5
    brownrecluse is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help Needed with Dating my Best Friend

    Thanks for your reply. I can certainly recognize the not following the heart part but its tough! I't's always been a challenge for me not to have oneitis despite the fact that I really don't have problems meeting women, yet I seem to always hone in on one and get complete tunnel vision and have a really tough time not fixating on that one person.

    Have you run across any good articles, posts etc on not obsessing, etc?

    thanks!

  6. #6
    Fratstar is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help Needed with Dating my Best Friend

    Quote Originally Posted by brownrecluse View Post
    Thanks for your reply. I can certainly recognize the not following the heart part but its tough! I't's always been a challenge for me not to have oneitis despite the fact that I really don't have problems meeting women, yet I seem to always hone in on one and get complete tunnel vision and have a really tough time not fixating on that one person.

    Have you run across any good articles, posts etc on not obsessing, etc?

    thanks!

    Check your inbox, I sent you something that may be of help. Let me know what you think.

    FS

  7. #7
    hubertbateman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help Needed with Dating my Best Friend

    Hey could you send me the article about oneitis too!

    Ran across this post because I have a first date with a good friend of mine tonight.


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