so your looking for a verbal way to introduce the tension?
you say that you have a hard time with
Escalating?
well you could try getting her to escalate instead of you.
and when thinking about the 'limits'
just tell her "if you dont like anything im doing at any point in our (insert word) relationship just smack my hand kay?"
then shel be completely comfortable with you touching her in any way because it makes her feel like shes in control of the sexual situation, say this about right before you get isolation or when your kino'ing her. itl basically get the whole "limit' thing out the window till you get really serious
well you can sometimes use the repitition ladder as part of your tension builder.
but when talking to this girl i used a lot of kino at first.
(i really havent done much verbal tesion building so il try hard to give you the right answer)
i told her that we have yet to try this and that (random things to do with me and her)
then her or you will decide to do one of these things if you have isolation.
(your gonna need to get comfortable with the girl and get comfortable with touching her in any way if your going to continue from here.)
start to kino her in more stronger ways or do something that she really likes, keep doing heavier and heavier things like rubbing her stomach above her pant-line or bite her neck etc.
after a while of doing these things (differs with all girls) shel finally take the lead and start doing stuff to you.
all i can reallly tell you is how to 'start' the tension with talking to her, you really cant build much tension verbally (so far i havent seen)
so just start with simple wordplay while doing small kino.
go for a kiss, then escalate.
if you have a problem with escalating then just work on it and then maybe after a little use the tension.
i didnt start using tension builders till i had mastered isolation seeking and
Escalation.
sorry if i didnt completely answer your question mystery, but the tension really isnt meant to be used verbally (but you could also try to just get her to escalate instead of you) so il have to try it out this weekend and post something about it.