Field Report #4: Speed Dating Results and Advice

Thought I'd change it up and post about a different kind of pickup: speed dating.

Speed dating is, in my opinion, an untapped resource for guys who think it is only for desperate people with no social skills and can't approach on their own. The truth is, is that a lot of really fun, social people do this because they have busy lives and want to meet a lot of people in a short period of time. I went to one in my city last week and met 20 girls, many of which were good looking and fun to talk to. Granted there are exceptions, but you should always be polite to everyone and say it was nice meeting them, even when you have no intention to see them again.

For my first time doing this, I did pretty decent: 5 matches out of 20 girls (including 3 really cute/fun girls). This also means that several girls did not want to see me again, but that's fine--I said no to a whole bunch of people as well. Most people in life, we are not compatible with, and so you gotta just meet as many people as you can and see how it goes. Don't expect to have 15 cute girls emailing you the next day, but just have some fun and see if you can get a couple matches. On to the report!

Strategy: Don't be Predictable

My approach going in was to dress nice (not overly dressy, but a nice pair of jeans and a good looking button down) and try to be unique. Most of the guys I'm sure had the same 5 minute conversation over and over:

Him: What do you do for work?
Her: I'm in finance.
Him: Oh cool, do you sell things to people?
Her: Yes, I sell insurance over the phone. And you?
Him: I work for company xyz.
Her: What do you do for fun?
Him: Hanging out with friends, going out etc.

and so on.
Looking at my own results, I vaguely remember conversations like this with some of the girls and guess what? None of them said yes to me (or I no said to them, or both). It is tiring to try and be funny and flirty with everyone, and so occasionally I just got lazy and asked the generic questions to fill up the time. Though this isn't terrible, chances are that you won't have a match if the conversation is too generic.

Girl's are going to have to hear about 20 different jobs over the course of one night, so unless your job is really cool--if you are a pro-athlete or an astronaut, by all means share--it's best to try to make the conversation more fun.

How I got the matches

Though perhaps these girls just thought I was cute and made up their mind to say yes right away, I surmise that by being playful and different I was able to engage their interest. I don't remember exactly what I said to each person (it is hard to keep track of names/faces/what was discussed) but here are some good things I did that I think worked.

- Complemented girls on something (I like your scarf, neckless etc.) A nice complement is a nice change of pace for a girl, because I think most guys think to do it in the span of 5 minutes.

- Teased girls. "That's a nice neckless, I think my mom has one just like it...but she's a bit older than you." Made fun of their jobs, "yeah, I'll be honest that sounds really boring actually."

- Gave playful/sarcastic answers to generic questions. I said something like:

Her: So how did you get into this job?
Me: Well, at the age of 2 I was abandoned outside of a manufacturing plant. The owner took me in and when I grew up said "young man, you are going to be the next whatever in this industry." and here I am!

which got her to laugh and smile.

- Showed confidence by assuming we were gonna hang out. One girl said she hadn't heard of this coffee shop to which I respond "really you haven't been there? well that'll have to be our first date then."

The Next Step

When both the guy and girl say "yes" (done in secret on separate pieces of paper), the service gives you eachother's email addresses. I haven't emailed anyone yet, but I imagine that the principles of text game apply. Thus, instead of saying "hey it was nice meeting you at the speed dating. Do you wanna get coffee this week?" I am going to send something more unique and possibly funny, without suggesting we meet up.

If anyone has any feedback or comments (whether you have done this before or not) please feel free to reply. Best of luck out there guys.

-jkwan

Part 2: Email/text game

So a day or two after I got my results (about a week after the event itself) I emailed the best three of my matches with some pretty good stuff IMO.

Email Strategy

These girls probably got a couple of matches, so you need to distinguish yourself as the prime candidate by being funny and unique. None of this kinda crap. "Hey it's dave from last week, was nice to meet ya! Are you free this week to get drinks? Let me know!"

Instead, I assumed I knew the girls really well and didn't even introduce myself until I signed my name at the end. I teased each one about something they said they liked, and in 2 out of 3 I didn't even suggest we hang out or that I was interested. I just commented on how funny the event was, how many weirdos there were (but that they were semi-normal), and then said "anyway, I have to run" or "I have some work to do but I'll talk to you later" without saying we should hang out.

Setting up a meetup

In one case the girl suggested we get coffee. I used a nice line to get her number and make the transition from email (which is kind of informal) to texting/calling (more personal). I said "yeah tomorrow night works, I'm not gonna be home most of the day though so just shoot me a text instead. xxx-xxx-xxxx"

Raises my value and switches the interaction to phone game. Got a text from her a few hours later. Other 2 girls I just confidently said "yeah, we'll hang out after new years and share stories" since we were talking about awkward moments from the speed dating. I liked this because it implies we might just be hanging out as friends, so they aren't sure where they stand.

What is strange is that the girls act really AFC since they have already admitted they are interested in you by matching up. They are super polite and say sorry and thanks for emailing me and all of this stuff. I can't figure out if they see me as a friend (which is why they aren't flirting) or if they are just nervous because they want to go out (and hence are afraid to be anything but nice). Pretty ironic, actually.