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Thread: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

  1. #1
    toxy_ is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    Hi,
    I have a delicate problem with my good friend - sometimes it gets excited when I don't want it. And now the long version: I used to have, probably like most of you guys, some uncontrolled erection when I was a teenager, it may have happened anytime anywhere.

    As years got passed, it almost got away, and now it doesn't happen in the middle of the street. But I have faced the problem I haven’t had for like 10 or 15 years - I have been attending dance lessons for a year now, and I've been learning salsa. Now we started to dance bachata and kizomba (these are really close dances, check youtube for examples). And that’s where I started to have problems. In those closed positions I can hardly control myself, and it is really making me nervous, embarrassed and sad. There is a lot of physical contact in these dances, partners are often completely closed. And in those closed dances I can hardly control myself. I tried all the things I could have thought of and find on google – thinking of something else like difficult math equations, thinking about disgusting things, wearing tight underwear, even pleasing myself before dance class (this one is a little effective).

    I used to date a girl a little time before (she was not on this dance class), even spending the whole night with her and scoring like 3 or 4 times doesn’t make much difference – the next evening I go to dance class and I get into unpleasant situation. I would understand myself if I’d be 15 years old, though I am now 27 and I feel like an idiot in these situations. Hiding my problem is not a way out in my situation, because when we dance we have to be completely near each other, so I have to keep the distance or try to make different figures, but anyway sometimes girl gets close enough to feel it …

    I have been in this class some time and I really like it. I don’t want to quit it, but my problem makes me depressed. And I don’t want to offend girls and make them uncomfortable. But I can’t find the way to control myself. I can’t believe I have this problem at this age, and I’m pretty embarrassed to talk about it. Can you give me any advice how to learn to control myself ?
    Thank you in advance and sorry for bringing up pretty delicate question.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    Well it seems you have a very strong imagination to be able to have an issue like this. Putting alot of focus on NOT thinking about it and having a vivid imagination when you ARE thinking about it, is definitely a formula for some complicated public scenes.

    I know you may have tried this, but I will still throw it out there. If you watch a lot of porn, then cut down A LOT. It stimulates the imagination, in fact, looking at magazines I believe can actually be worse than watching porn. Because your imagination can fill in a lot more gaps than watching a film. Same as why people say the movie versions of books are never as good. Our imaginations can be our worst enemies if we let it. The key is re-focusing....which I'm sure you already know.

    Reminds me of the time I came face to face with a domesticated wolf. My ex-gf was taking me to her sisters house who's bf had one. I thought the idea was awesome and even when I saw him on the windowsill looking out at us he looked incredibly beautiful.....until we were in the same room. We looked at each other and I instantly felt the primal urge to run, or hit him over the head with a club. Of course I just stepped out of the house because there was no club available at the moment and my caveman grunt is pretty rusty. Eventually I made it into the house and my heart was pumping. Then I thought about how the wolf probably knows I'm nervous and that made my heart pump harder. My point is.....THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE WORSE IT GOT. Funny thing the way the mind works.

    The thing I found interesting about re-focusing is that you can't just think about ANYTHING. Something like boring math problems or dead puppies just doesn't work for everyone. Now I don't claim to be an expert on chemicals in the human body, but things like adrenaline, hormones, endorphines, etc. are not exclusive to sex. I find what helps me is to think about something that you are passionate about that gets your blood pumping that is NOT sexual. Whether it be an intense video game, snowboarding, horseback riding, basketball, skydiving, or even about programming computers if you're into that. Anything that has the ability to completely suck you in. Maybe even think about a movie that had a confusing ending (like Inception) that can get you pondering for a good hour trying to come to a conclusion.

    I hope these tips help and if not then it may be time to visit a doctor. The point is though...you have to dumb down your vivid imagination a bit by NOT putting sex on a pedestal or however you shape it to be this high valuable thing and to re-focus your attention. It's natural and not forbidden. Nothing to be ashamed of and honestly......not a big deal.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    Dj Chill is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    To keep focus, whether or not is below the pants or above the neck I somehow flip into a auto-pilot and actually run some scenarios through the back of my head and it keeps me "calm" and patient. It can be anything but usually my mind doubles up with the situation in reality and sets a mental state where as "theres a goal here to be attained, keep it straight". Something similar enough that my mind compares the situations and downplays the emotions as theres a bigger picture here and the goal is whats at stake, stuff has be to be done or success will not be had, and realizing if I screw it up cause of something stupid will ultimately make matters worse than whatever "hiccup" is happening at the time being.

    If the mind is too stimulated its going to do whats instinctual, whether or not you realize it.

    Also doesnt help with all the subliminal messaging in society to not think about sex....search for some articles about it if you dont believe me. Makes it even tougher.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    You probably have a high-testosterone count. (Be thankful for that by the way!)

    As you get older & that begins to drop, you'll definitely have less of an issue with that.

    I have the exact opposite issue nowadays, so I'd happily trade situations with ya!

    Us "old dogs" take a little more warming up... kinda like women do. Instead of just flipping the switch to "ON", there are more steps to take before the motor gets running.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    toxy_ is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    Thank you for your replies. That has really given me some new ideas. I am dead busy these days so I can't give myself much time to work on myself, but I will try things you have advised me the next time I'll go to the lesson.

    Batman - thank you for your detailed answer, thoughts of intense activity may be helpful. I will also cut all the porn. Letís say I watch twice a week, I will cut it completely for now and see if it helps.

    DJ chill - your idea for putting all the concentration on the neck and above may also help. I tried to put my mind away from the girlís body generally, but most of girls are really hot so it is easy to say, when I see them in front - itís harder to concentrate. The specific focus on the face should be helpful.

    BTW - dancing with less sexy girls causes me no problem, so it is a real relief when I get to do it.

    Also, DJ chill, if you have any scientific articles you told about, please give me a link or something, I have tried to search for it, but I haven't found anything more serious than a basic advice.

    tmalonetn - i will probably miss my energy as I get older, but for now it causes me troubles and i want to fight it.

    Doctor (probably psychologist?) is the last step I want to take, but I want to solve my issue so maybe I will have to try it if I can't find the other way out.

    Thank you again for the ideas. If you will have anything to add, I'll be grateful for all advices. I will let you know what helps (if it will) when I try it.

  6. #6
    Autismus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    Lol I had this problem a lot when I was taking ballet classes where everyone has to wear tights xD

    For me there were two things that helped. The first was to control breathing to coordinate with your heart rate, while also relaxing the rest of your body (this will increase bloodflow throughout your body so as not to build up in any one particular region). The second was to normalize being turned on (dunno if this will really help you) but if you are ALWAYS either surrounded by hot women or ALWAYS thinking about sex (or both) then your... member will maintain homeostasis in a more, shall we say, flexible state.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    have a wank before dance class, should keep it carm for 30 minutes????
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  8. #8
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    I just want to say that cutting porn actually made this problem WORSE for me lol. With no porn, i was getting erections like a 15 year old... just seeing ioi's would do it sometimes... and i'm 30 lol!

    One thing that helped when i took a dance class was to focus on the actual dancing (my class was also Spanish style dancing). DON'T focus on the girl, focus on the moves in your mind. Focus hard (pun intended lol) on doing the dance correctly. What helped me also was looking at the UGLY GIRLS, even if i was dancing with a HB. It'll take your focus off your partner even if u look for a second or two (could even subtly neg the HB you are dancing with. She might wonder if u would rather dance with someone else).

    Just my 2 cents... doing that helped me that time i took a class and the hottest girl was a Married HB9 who's husband was there too. Safe to say, i DID NOT want to give off the greatest male IOI with him there!
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  9. #9
    toxy_ is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    Autismus I will try breathing things you told me about. It shouldn't be easy as I have never thought of correct breathing while dancing, but it should be worth to try either way. As for sexy women - I can't change my life routine, and therefore I can't choose to be all day around sexy girls.

    Tyrone, wanking is not an issue as I got to class just after long day of work. I donít have time nor I have a place to do it.

    Lockdown - I am thinking about moves all the time, but it is not enough to blow anything else from my mind. And there is no such an ugly girl in my class who could turn me down by looking for a second at

    I think the problem is me actually having huge testosterone, I often want to bonk any sexy woman just being near her, or when I see an attractive woman with a nice smile, or with big boobs or nice legs. And no, it is not just an attraction - I can usually feel my balls starting to move. I wouldn't mind if I could reduce this. Do you know if there is a safe, healthy and reliable way to do this ?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Need help with controlling (stopping) erection

    Don't just think about the dance... rehearse the steps over and over in your head. Picture a blank piece of paper in your head. As you think about the moves write them on the pretend paper in your head. See them spelling out. Its hard to do at first but concentrating on converting the actual thoughts into visible words will busy your brain.

    Can i ask how old u are? Because up to a certain age controlling your problem is near impossible. And being self concious about it will make it worse.

    The only other suggestion i have is if it really is as bad as u say, maybe u should just excuse yourself and go to the bathroom to relieve yourself lol. If u get as turned on as much as u say, it wont take more than a few seconds.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde



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