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  1. #1
    Somebody is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Overcoming Shyness, Unconfidence, and Poor Social Skills

    I'm dealing with issues bigger than just getting a girlfriend or getting laid. I have these inner-game issues and fundamental skills that I need to work on in order to not only attract women, but also to improve my life in general. So, although I would like to have a girlfriend for once in my life, I've decided it's more important to focus on improving my inner-game and social skills. Thus, I'm no longer thinking about how to get a girlfriend, but how to become a better person overall.

    I'm very serious about this and really am going to do whatever it takes to become the man I want to be. So, I've been reading up on material related to overcoming shyness, improving my social skills, and gaining confidence. I've bought "How to Win Friend and Influence People" and "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie, "100 Ways to Overcome Shyness", a couple books on body language, a book on overcoming social anxiety, etc. I'm following some life-coach people such as Tony Robbins, who has a lot of good advice. It's a lot of information to take in, and as I go through it, I'm trying to apply it into my life otherwise it's useless. For example, I'm monitoring what I think everyday to immediately get rid of negative thoughts and think more positive ones. Also, I'm trying to be happy everyday even if I'm not where I want to be in life right now by focusing on the good and not the bad. I've read in Dale Carnegie's book that happiness comes from within; it's not a matter of your external circumstance. So, although I have no friends and no girlfriend, and almost no social life, I'm going to try to be happy anyway by not focusing on these things I don't have. It's always better to be happy no matter what.

    I am also taking other steps to change by getting out of my comfort zone or "old-self" routine. Several times, I have forced myself to make eye contact with and smile at strangers when I'm in public. I try to talk more to people, although I still have been struggling with this greatly. Additionally, I am joining a few college clubs where I can practice socializing. I'm a little nervous about making a bad impression because, since the same people go to the club, I want to be somebody who they want there. I don't want to be a shy, socially awkward guy. If I'm come across that way on the first visit, then subsequent visits could be awkward. Is this a bad way to think about it? Also, to help myself, I've decided to join toastmasters, but not yet. I don't think I'm ready to jump right into public speaking. I think it'd be better to build up to that first by doing these other things.

    I feel good to be taking steps to change to who I want to be, who will still be me, but a much better version that I haven't been able to bring out yet. Progress feels very slow because, although I'm doing these things, I still struggle in much the same way as I have been. Sometimes I wonder how long it is going to take to become the improved me. A year of consistent action? Two years? Ten? I sometimes worry that it will take too long or that I may not get there, but I have no choice but to try anyway. Do you think I'm going about this the right way? Is it good that I'm not focusing on improving my attraction skills with women? Don't get me wrong, I deeply desire to experience having a girlfriend - someone I can love and physically and emotionally connect with. I want to feel what that feels like, but I think I have deeper issues that need addressing first.

  2. #2
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Overcoming Shyness, Unconfidence, and Poor Social Skills

    You care more about what other people will see you rather than how you'll see yourself. When I was starting to improve my anxiety, confidence and all the other aspects of my life, I noticed that people started to like me when I least cared about their opinions and when I was just being my self. Your situation is pretty much like mine was, only I focused a lot on getting out of the comfort zone and learning about psychology ONLY for my own personal needs, when you focus your attention on that, you'll have more confidence and you'll realize that trying to gain the approval of others is something that you shouldn't do in-order to do that. When new people ask me what I like to do, I say I like to workout, read books, try to improve myself in all aspects of my life, and go out with my friends, they tend to think skeptical or even throw in a mean comment, yet due to the fact that I stay true to myself and stay unaffected they soon fall into my reality and quickly begin to seek for my own approval.

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