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Thread: Sex addiction

  1. #1
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Sex addiction

    This is going to be a long read and thus I'd request you to bear with me.

    I have been in the pick up community for the past 3 years. And being in field had also garnered me the results that I sought.

    At my peak, I dated 3 girls but made the mistake of falling in love with a girl that I met in a club one night. We dated for three weeks and she had me throughly enthralled by her beauty, wit and intelligence. I was stricken with one-itis despite knowing that she was in an existing relationship. The other women felt somehow lacking in comparison. I was in a quasi relationship with her for eight months.

    Suffice to say that it never quite lasted. I grew increasingly disgusted with her and came to realise that she happens to be a playette. I stopped seeing her. However, the damage was done and I got back to being a chode. While I stopped all forms of communication with her, my mind was clearly fucked up and to overcome the despair I sought solace in prostitutes. Especially the bombay bar girls that are akin to strippers. The girl that I was in a quasi- sex relationship with moved on to another guy and broke up with her bf for him. This worsened my bitterness with her and she would spite me with her photos with him. On whatsapp that is. Consequentially, I blocked her off all social media forms of communication.

    Some of the bar girls that I met were love addicts and I dated them despite their baggage. A girl that I am dating now has a kid and lives alone. She does seem to like me and yet I don't feel inclined to take things any further as she is a hooker. Despite the sex being great.

    I have severe self esteem problems and feel that I am not nearly good looking enough. My thinning hair seems to worry me incessantly. I feel the burden of getting older and seem unable to cope with it. Think of it as a quarter life crisis if you will.

    Although, at work, the women seem to adore me. I am the only guy who hangs out with a group of girls. Even though they are not that attractive and my social skills are seemingly sub par.



    I am nearly 30 but in great shape. The meds I take seem to have stabilised my hair loss. I find that my social skills are lacking and am too stuck up in my own head.

    Points of observation:
    1) I don't wish people in the morning as I fear that they would ignore me.
    2) The girls try to talk to me but I act aloof and uninterested. There's this particular girl that I like who has hazel eyes and olive skin. She's pretty hot but we work in the same department and I don't want to shit where I eat. I also don't intend to veer off towards a scarcity Mindset.
    3) I have been told that I am intense and calculating as well as lacking in terms of facial expressions. It makes it hard for people to read me. A few of the older women at office complimented me on my looks. I only met her her with a dour expression and an unenthusiastic 'thank you'.
    4) I have low self esteem and hate photos. A paradox I know.
    5) My ex stated that I was too unsecure, unstable and erratic for her taste.
    6) I have had four failed relationships. I despise women and don't trust them in the slightest.

    What steps can I take to fix my inner game and get back to being a boss in field? What can I do to keep myself motivated and not succumb to a porn/sex addiction?

    I spoke to mystery about being intense and calculating on fb and he told me that, " I am intense and calculating too. What you can't fix. you feature. Some women just dig brains."

    He has been fairly busy since then and I have not been able to get in touch with him since then,

  2. #2
    redstar1324 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Sex addiction

    Did you say you talked to MYSTERY, as in Erik Van Marcokiv?

    How do I do this?

  3. #3
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Sex addiction

    Mystery (Erik) did help me for a while and he suggested that I attend his bootcamp as well. However, it is not feasible for me to fly all the way to Europe or Toronto at the moment. I simply can't afford it with my meagre income as a journalist living in a third world country. I have conversed with other PUAs as well but Mystery was more forthcoming in terms of advise. He seems to understand me where other PUAs cannot. No other PUA has not demonstrated that level of mental acumen that ge has. I respect Erik, despite his shortcomings far more as a teacher and mentor than any other PUA. The only other PUAs that I can relate to are Owen and Julien from RSD. However, they are far less accessible.

    Neverthless, I need permanent solutions to my problems and they go beyond women.Things are bad as I have no social circle to count on. At work, I have begun to feel increasingly alienated and seem to obsess over my hair incessantly. I am not entirely cormfortable with my appearance. Unfortunately, my demeanour, has led to my colleagues ostracising me as well. On my part, I keep to myself and have made no attempt to talk to them. I do not even seem to want to wish anyone these days and have become increasingly aloof. I feel like being dead from the inside and am merely going through the motions of living.

    Despite me being this fucked up mentally, I intend to go sarging this Sunday as it is the only sieve there is.

    Things that make me unhappy:

    1) My appearance
    2) Not having the women I want
    3) Not having the sex life I want
    4) Not having the income I desire
    5) Not being in the country I want to

    Things that I have going:
    1) I am fairly tall; 6'2 and well built
    2) I still have most of my hair and my thinning isn't entirely noticeable
    3) I like my job despite the meagre income as it allows me to travel and explore places - I have been to Germany, Abu dhabi, China in the past one year apart from places within my country


    Quote Originally Posted by redstar1324 View Post
    Did you say you talked to MYSTERY, as in Erik Van Marcokiv?

    How do I do this?

  4. #4
    Sam981 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Sex addiction

    Quote Originally Posted by ryuzaki21 View Post
    Things that make me unhappy:

    1) My appearance
    2) Not having the women I want
    3) Not having the sex life I want
    4) Not having the income I desire
    5) Not being in the country I want to

    Things that I have going:
    1) I am fairly tall; 6'2 and well built
    2) I still have most of my hair and my thinning isn't entirely noticeable
    3) I like my job despite the meagre income as it allows me to travel and explore places - I have been to Germany, Abu dhabi, China in the past one year apart from places within my country
    So you are suffering from the inner game issues. We all face this, nothing new. I've already written it in a post, the things that helped me (and still help) overcome these thoughts. Read this:
    https://www.puaforums.com/self-impro...cial-life.html

    Read the replies. hopefully that will help.
    Last edited by Sam981; 11-06-2015 at 01:35 PM. Reason: grammar mistake

  5. #5
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Sex addiction

    Thank you Sam. I reckon that the root cause of my problem is that I am essentially a misanthrope. A few years ago, all I ever wanted was to watch the world burn. I still do. The reason being that I find that human beings are essentially bigots (they harbour cognitive biases and espouse a herd mentality). I hated people, including myself and those that I called my own.

    The game was revelatory in that essence. Here was a man, Erik von Markovik, who had lived the life of an observer and had studied human beings as extensively as I had. Instead of resenting them, he used their weaknesses to his advantage and learned to work with them. You see, as anyone who has been in an LTR will understand, the reason that relationships have an expiry date is because familiarity breeds contempt. That is also the case when you start to become intimately familiar with human nature.

    I suppose that the game worked for me, to a degree is that I didn't really like people to begin with and never actually gave a fuck about what they thought of me. Conversely, being a bigot, I despises my appearance in the mirror.

    How I feel, reflects in my demeanour, especially when I am not embodying a different persona (which I do, in field). And even though there are instances, where people, especially women, act in a friendly manner, I act like an absolute jerk. While some of these women like me for it, others are immensely put off and I end up antagonising everyone around.

    How do I change my thought patterns towards people? How do I stop thinking about wanting to kill everyone in the room?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam981 View Post
    So you are suffering from the inner game issues. We all face this, nothing new. I've already written it in a post, the things that helped me (and still help) overcome these thoughts. Read this:
    https://www.puaforums.com/self-impro...cial-life.html

    Read the replies. hopefully that will help.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sam981 View Post
    So you are suffering from the inner game issues. We all face this, nothing new. I've already written it in a post, the things that helped me (and still help) overcome these thoughts. Read this:
    https://www.puaforums.com/self-impro...cial-life.html

    Read the replies. hopefully that will help.

  6. #6
    peaceprince is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Sex addiction

    buddy rough... Well you are learning and growing and I think it`s a huge learning experience for you.

    you can understand woman better, Know yourself better and able to know where you want to be in life.


    Yup, You made a mistake when you knew she was in a relationship and went for it, probably for validation. you could of saw that she was a tester if you took a step back, you just learned from that and will do it in the future.

    So good on you man, hope things go well.

  7. #7
    Sam981 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Sex addiction

    Quote Originally Posted by ryuzaki21 View Post
    How do I change my thought patterns towards people? How do I stop thinking about wanting to kill everyone in the room?
    1. First, understand that we are all human beings, with our flaws. No one is perfect. So if you start looking at negative points in people, you'd find it in Nelson Mendela. And if you try to look at the positive traits of people, you'll find some good qualities even in Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber.

    2. If you had some bad experience in past with some people, don't associate the whole world with those bad people/experience. Not all the people will be same. It might be that you came across some manipulative people or may be you yourself did some things which cause them to react in this way, speaking of which

    3. Try to put you in other people's shoes. Think what caused them to react in this way. Every body has a reason in for his actions (at least in his mind at least). So imagine if you were in their place how would you react to that situation? Wouldn't you do the same?

    4. Make a habit to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. For example, if you wear a new shirt you just bought and some one comes to you and says

    "Hey Dude.. Really Nice shirt... Where did you buy it?"

    A positive minded person will interpret it as a compliment, which most of the time it really is.
    But a negative minded person will interpret it as a "taunt" or a "mock". OR else he'll think that he's flattering to get something in return. (And this btw is an example from my own personal life).

    When you think negatively, it only shows one thing; that you have LOW SELF ESTEEM. And just because your self esteem is low, you'll interpret any thing as negatively. So make a habit to replace these negative thoughts with positive ones in the first 30 seconds, whenever they pop into your head.

    5. Read the book "How to Influence People People and Make New Friends" by Carnegie and try to apply the principles in it. I'm half way through it and its already changed the way I interact with people.


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