TL;DR: You can't charm someone else if you don't first charm yourself.
It took me more than a year to realize this: My self talk is the source of much of my social problems.I grew up in a tough environment, and I developed this habit of self discipline based on harshness.
My self talk sounds like:
"Get the fuck out of bed, and get your lazy ass in the gym!"Sounds familiar? I repeatedly kick myself over and over again for my perceived failures.
I'm in the prime of my youth and I constantly felt emotionally exhausted.
"Why didn't you Kino
escalate faster?? You fucking coward."
"Why the fuck didn't you Agree and Amplify??"
I thought it was because of my introversion, until one thought suddenly struck me:How am I supposed to charm everyone else when I'm not charming myself?
Instead of calling myself a fucking loser every time I don't accomplish something, I tell myself:
"Don't worry about it, you'll get it the next time"
"Let's go to the gym, the weather's great outside. Your abs aren't gonna sculpt themselves"
So I tried it for a week, and I have to share my results:I have more energy, I'm more extroverted, and generally more pleasant to be around. Agree and amplify comes naturally, I suddenly found myself with lots of witty things to say, and suddenly people are more drawn to my personality.
Sure, you're not going to be the brooding tortured poet. But then again who really wants to be that dude in a corner oozing negativity?
Lessons:How you treat yourself carries over to how you treat everyone else. Hold frame against yourself, and holding frame against the world will become effortless.