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  1. #1
    Insomn1a is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How do I make her change her mind?

    Hello everybody.

    Im new to the whole PUA scene and I seek advice on handling this girl i like. This is gonna be a longer post so bare with me...
    So I've met this really nice girl at a party, and we hit it off quite nicely, but I didn't do anything cause of this annoying cockblock who was running a really tight defence. Many of my friends even thought he was her boyfriend but i knew better. Seeing how im new to this, I didn't want to push things, and just chatted her up a bit, and got her number. So we start texting, and and I did some text game i read on forums, and did some of my own with our inside jokes (now we text all the time, and it's always fun). This girl is great, responds to all my texts, she's funny, a really nice person, but kind off defensive about dates and such. So we finally meet up at a local convention where we spend most of our time together, so I'm thinking there is chemistry here. I call her on it, and she admits she likes me, but the problem is she just recently got out of a serious relationship, and wants some time on her own (this checks out btw). So I play it cool and say I understand, and we proceed to party all night long. Lots of hugging, Kino, but no kissing. We walk home together. And that's it. Couple of days later she visits me at work, and stays until the end of my shift and we repeat the whole walking home thing, but again she is hesitant to kiss me and step it up a bit. So again, the next weekend we meet up at another party and go home together by bus where we have an open talk about "us", and she tells me she really needs some alone time, but doesn't want to stop hanging out with me cause she genuinely likes me thinks Im great and blah blah (the more she puts her defenses up the more I want her hehe) I really don't want to come off as a needy person so Im asking for advice on what to do to escalate things (or what I did wrong) and make her change her mind. Should I be more agressive or just play it cool and give her some breathing room? Any advice is welcome.

    Please help! :-)

    Cheers

  2. #2
    In The Tropics's Avatar
    In The Tropics is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    Start talking to other girls. You need to stick her in the friend zone first. That way if she sees you with other girls and you make her "just a friend" she is going to go nuts and want you.

    If you proceed as things are going right now she is going to see you as just a friend before too long and when she is "ready" to date again you are going to be up creek without a paddle.

    So. Go find some ladies to make her jealous with. It will definitely show preselection and speed up the process for you.

    If she gets upset and actually says something you can say "I am just giving you time and can't wait around for you. I am not here to be at your beck and call. If you want to go out sometime then lets be real, otherwise I have to move on with my life."
    There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback.

    Be the flame, not the moth.

  3. #3
    Insomn1a is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    Yea...I see your point, and you're right. Gonna be tough doing that, cause I developed strong feeling toward this girl, but it has to be done I guess. Otherwise im stuck here, and "here" is a frustrating place to be.

  4. #4
    In The Tropics's Avatar
    In The Tropics is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    Quote Originally Posted by Insomn1a View Post
    Yea...I see your point, and you're right. Gonna be tough doing that, cause I developed strong feeling toward this girl, but it has to be done I guess. Otherwise im stuck here, and "here" is a frustrating place to be.
    Yeah. That "here" place you are talking about sounds like it could be leading to oneitis. Whatever you do, make sure that you keep your self from getting stuck there. It will ruin you with a girl because you will find yourself trying too hard, and she will recognize that.

    It will make you seem too available.

    Good luck man, keep me posted on your success.

    -Tropics
    There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback.

    Be the flame, not the moth.

  5. #5
    Insomn1a is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    I was thinking the same thing - oneitis. My stupid monkey brain wants something it can not have atm and wans it more by the minute. Gotta put a stop to this for sure.
    The one thing that is gonna be problematic is - how do I get her to see me with other girls? Call her out and then ignore her while I game some other HB? I can't just go out and hope to run into her. See, we don't mix in the same social circles, and all our meetings were by chance except the last one where I invited her to come. How to do this smoothly?

    Thx for your advice!

  6. #6
    In The Tropics's Avatar
    In The Tropics is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    Quote Originally Posted by Insomn1a View Post
    I was thinking the same thing - oneitis. My stupid monkey brain wants something it can not have atm and wans it more by the minute. Gotta put a stop to this for sure.
    The one thing that is gonna be problematic is - how do I get her to see me with other girls? Call her out and then ignore her while I game some other HB? I can't just go out and hope to run into her. See, we don't mix in the same social circles, and all our meetings were by chance except the last one where I invited her to come. How to do this smoothly?

    Thx for your advice!
    Are you guys friends on Facebook? That is a good tool to show preselection. Also, if you are going to a party with a girl or something like that, get a group together and invite her along. Then you can still talk to her and the other girl at the same time. Just go back and forth. IT will make both of them want you more.
    There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback.

    Be the flame, not the moth.

  7. #7
    nik's Avatar
    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    Maybe I missed it in that overly long paragraph, but have you tried to kiss her or just didn't buck up and make the move based on your own perceptions of resistance?

    Give her time alone, with you. You don't have to rush into titles (which is what she is worried about). Just go with what feels natural and right. If either of you isn't comfortable, back off to where you both are comfortable.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  8. #8
    In The Tropics's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    Quote Originally Posted by nik View Post
    Maybe I missed it in that overly long paragraph, but have you tried to kiss her or just didn't buck up and make the move based on your own perceptions of resistance?

    Give her time alone, with you. You don't have to rush into titles (which is what she is worried about). Just go with what feels natural and right. If either of you isn't comfortable, back off to where you both are comfortable.
    Yeah he said she was hesitant to kiss him.
    There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback.

    Be the flame, not the moth.

  9. #9
    Insomn1a is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I make her change her mind?

    She doesn't use Facebook believe it or not. As for the kiss, yea, she was hesitant. You know, we dance, hug, our faces touch, I go for it and she slightly backs up at the last second. This is not awkward at all mind you, it's actually kind of sweet (torture :-)) I think she knows she would hurt me if she did anything with me with her present Mindset (she is a really good person).
    I'm gonna cool it for a week or so to calm my nerves, then reengage in a slightly different manner. Turn the table on her, and try to create some jelaousy as you suggested if i get the chance.


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